Breathe

HERE'S MY THREE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS!

JADYN 2, BRIANNA 8, AND ISABELLA NOW 5 MONTHS

Well, I didn't think that my site could be found so easily. Complete honesty about yourself is harder than I realized. Guilt of putting up with what I have put up with eats me up. I know better, always did. I chose to go against God's will; there is noone to blaim, but myself. I know that I can't focus on past misstakes. I must look toward the future. I have 9 years of habits to break, but through God's strength I will overcome. It's almost like coming slowly out of a fog. These three girls are the reason that things will change. They need to know the power and majesty of the one true King. They are so smart and so precious. Brianna is sensitive and caring. Jadyn is wide open all the time! And Bella, well she watches everything and has a smile that lights up the room---gummy as it may be right now.

The Very Beginning

I will not go into specific details, but I went through a 10 year long abusive relationship. My dad disowned me for very racist and stupid reasons. (Had three beautiful daughters that are bi-racial). I say oh well! It's his lose, definetly not mine. The man that I was with verbally and physically abused me. He brained washed me into thinking that I had to put up with everything he was dishing out because noone else would want me. My self-esteem was never the best. I knew that sex before marriage was wrong, but I guess I thought that the damage was done. I realized finally that I have to be an example for my girls. They need someone to look up to. I could never forgive myself if I was the reason that they thought that it was ok to put up with all of the things that I put up with. I have been gathering strength for a while now, but it's hard to convince those around me that I have. It's a daily stuggle now. I have fallen a long way, but I will rise. I will be the one that my girls can look to. I will be the one that will guide them in the direction of the ultimate example. They are my world. Everything happens for a reason. I have learned a hard lesson. The cycle of abuse stops with me. I know the truth. The truth that the Lord is good always! In good times and in bad rejoice. I have seen rough times and I have ran in the other direction, but He has called my name, and I will answer.

A New Beginning

Ok, so everything is a new beginning lately. My life has been too crazy to actually tell it all in one sitting. Where I am now is a single mother of three beautiful daughters. Brianna (8), Jadyn 2 1/2, and Isabella (5 months), Struggling mom is more like it, but things are changing. The winds have changed, there is a new season that I see in the distance. I feel the fresh air and smell the excitement that it will be bringing. So if you are reading this blog then prepare to see changes and experience honesty at it's complete rawness. (Don't know if that is even a word) Basically I am going to be completely honest about my entire life and let people judge how they may, because I only care about my final judgement.