New Day

You know the feeling that you get when it is turning from summer to fall? I guess maybe not everyone feels the same about it as I do. Fall is my favorite time of year. Absolute favorite! The temperature is coming down, the leaves are changing colors, and to me, there is an excitement in the air. That is how I feel right now. Right now I am in the heat of the summer, the dog days of summer, but the Fall is right around the corner. It will come, because Fall always comes after Summer. I won't go into details of what my situation is right now, but it can only get better. I have lost several pounds since April. I was 267 when I had Isabella in February, and I am now 211. Ok, for most that is still a huge number, and it is, but I am getting better. I had put alot of weight on as a shell to hide some of the pain I was going through with the girl's father. I'm getting my groove back, though. I know that there are alot of things that I still have to let go. Once you have been through the things that I have gone through is it possible to be normal again. I recently emailed a friend of mine in college. I told her everything--well not everything- because I am still not ready for the whole story to come out of my mouth--Do you know it took me two days to actually write the email! It is hard to trust anyone anymore. I know that God is the only one that can truly help me overcome my issues, but I still feel that He is so far away. That He is completely ashamed of me, mad at me, and disappointed in me. I know that there is nothing that can take me out of the grasp of God's hand, but this voice keeps telling me that I am nothing. I know the truth, but it is sometimes hard to believe it.